Because you're worth it

It's been a rotten year so far, and next year doesn't look much better. The stock market has fallen, interest rates are higher, and the streets are full of hooligans and gangs. There's trouble in the Middle East, and the climate is changing. I wonder how long franchising can survive. I don't know how any franchise can make a living with this lot hanging over them.

I know what you're thinking. 'This is the season of goodwill and peace to all men. I don't need this. I want log fires, hampers, mince pies and sherry and leave any problems till next year.'

You have my authority to forget all the worries about your future.

How can anyone say that with any degree of certainty? The reason is simple. I am an emphemarist, and they can't arrest me for it. It simply means that I am a collector of old newspapers.

I have a copy of the Daily Express from 50 years ago. Interest rates had peaked at 4.5 per cent. Teddy boys were roaming the streets with flick knives. The Labour Party was considering sorting out the Post Office, and British troops were busy in the Middle East, after finishing with the East Coast floods.

Cleaning staff were paid £3.82, but for working a 42-hour week. A five-ton lorry cost £969 plus 18 per cent purchase tax.

It was also the year I left school. I had one GCE in Applied Detentions, more lines than the chairman of Network Rail, and the beginnings of a lifetime enjoyment of being smacked with a ruler.

I began work carrying out pregnancy tests but left after two years because I couldn't stand the damp. I decided to make my fortune, and being a chemist I wrote down the formulae.

Those formulae enabled me to become an author and broadcaster, a principal examiner for Oxford and Cambridge and all without even the sniff of a degree.

My formulae for success needs an introduction, which is 'The franchise you have today is no better than you deserve.'

There are seven stages to the formulae. Seven is a lucky number. The Seven Wonders of the World, Seven Deadly Sins and Seven Commandments. Okay, we all remember the Adultery and the Honouring, but forget the coveting of the oxen, the graven images and the maidservants.

Stage 1 is Giving

Some franchisors still say 'Sign here - no work - easy profits - no effort' and you wonder if you are right to give as much as you do to your business.

The truth is that there is always a price to pay. No one gets a free ride. The first thing I want you to do next year is to make a resolution which will improve your chance of success threefold. It costs nothing but is priceless to those you give it too.

For three months I want you to totally eliminate any criticism of your spouse, partner, or any person you find it difficult to get along with.

Stage 2 is to Create a Vacuum

Go into your wardrobe and dump all those clothes you think will come back into fashion. Go through your life and dump those who give you negative attitudes apart from your nearest and dearest.

Tell those who give out negative attitudes that you may change them to positive, or they may reduce you to negative, but either way you cannot take the risk.

Stage 3 is to Visualise

Write down what you want, and what measure of success, then go out and try it. You want the new car, then go out and test drive. You want the larger home, then start viewing now. Write what you want on a piece of card and look at it every day.

Think of yourself as an airline pilot and plan your life as a flight. No aircraft ever departs on a 'mystery trip'. Each single direction is programmed into the flight computer before the wheels leave the ground. Alternative airports are assessed in case of problems, and arrival times are known.

If you really want to motivate, don't just tell them about a bonus, stick the money in a picture frame and show them.

Stage 4 is to Command

If don't want it, then don't say it. Say sales are dropping and they do. Say business is bad and it gets bad. Don't say you're scared, because each time you kill yourself a little. Speak out and act as though you have nothing to fear. When I want to turn left from a road junction. I just open the car window and raise my hand to oncoming traffic. They always stop.

I learnt to walk around any failing franchise with a big smile, studying a letter. Everyone thought 'He looks happy - things must be looking up' and soon enough we were. If it's really bad then try the next step and bring in the builders to make a doorway. 'Blimey', they think, 'we must be expanding' and soon enough we were.

Stage 5 is to Take Action

Do it now. Don't wait. Don't waste time thinking about it. I often worried how I would get 200 new customers for my business. It seemed an impossible number. The answer is to get one customer, then do it 200 times. Do not wait for all your forces to be mustered, for the right time, for the best conditions. Get out there and do it.

Stage 6 is Persistence

Don't just it, but do it until it works. In every battle, if the enemy had fought for thirty minutes longer they would have won. No matter how long the battle, those that hold tight until the end will win.

Stage 7 is Quality

Do it right the first time. A service is only as good as the last time you used it, with over 25 per cent of all service calls having to be repeated. A good product should always be good. The Japanese have a worldwide name for quality through their commitment to getting it right the first time.

Now add more Di-hydrogen Monoxide to your Christmas Spirit and take a look at yourself at the end of the year. Most of us have a strong sense of inferiority by 11 years old. We are taught that objects rate more than people. Our car is always serviced, polished and nurtured, while we are with the fags and the booze till four in the morning.

You are the most important person you will ever know. Learn to say I couldn't - but now I can. Time to get rid of that poor self-image in 2008.