Speaker phobe

You can run. You can hide. But you can't escape the power of the motivational speaker.

Go to a business conference, and you'll find a motivational speaker, lecturer or self-styled guru present. This mighty being can do nothing less than help you transform your fledgling business into a billion-pound empire. Apparently.

Having attended conferences in the past, I've had to sit through a number of these sessions. And I've still yet to find one that makes a scrap of difference to people's working lives. You read blurb in conference brochures about the speaker, and a note on how their talk will be an illuminating and enlightening experience.

Invariably though, you'd find more enlightenment by working your way through an episode of LazyTown instead.

There are many reasons why hiring a motivational speaker for a business conference is a pointless exercise. For one thing, it's the sweeping generalisations made about business. Mr Motivation claims to know all about you - along with every other nodding head in the room. For that reason, he'll discuss weighty issues along the lines of "Promotion", "Strength" and "Being the best you can". All well and good, but anyone with a scrap of intelligence will have worked out such things for themselves. Problem is, Mr Motivation can't tackle each audience member's concerns individually, he can't discuss their strengths and weaknesses (unless he's clairvoyant) so he'll tend to go for the common denominator that, unfortunately, everyone knows about.

The other side of that coin is that not everyone in the audience is going to agree with Mr Motivation's advice. Some may agree with Mr Motivation's views: say, promoting your business via costly advertising - but another may say that leaflet drops and word of mouth suit me fine, and it's also considerably cheaper.

Another problem is that the speaker's repertoire tends to include a discourse on "The Power Of Positive Thinking". This cliché is fine in principle, but if things were that simple in business, you might as well wave a magic wand around. And in these troubled economic times, positive thinking's batteries need a top up.

So how can a motivational speaker get it right? One way would be to focus on a particular area rather than the bigger picture. Maybe do a survey from conference attendees before the talk to see what particular subjects they would like discussed. And know the audience: if a speaker is addressing would-be franchisees, they should pitch their message accordingly. It never ceases to amaze me how rarely this happens.

Good speakers back up their arguments with facts, not woolly thinking. They explain how their theory for good business works by recalling examples: companies or people that have benefited from their advice. Better still, if they bring them along, the audience has some proof that their methodology works.

But most importantly, good speakers concentrate on delivering the message succinctly without being too preachy - and dispense with the clichéd stereotype of the motivational speaker. I get two pictures of this cliché in my head. One is a cheesy, preachy, evangelist-style goon (usually wearing a wig), bellowing at his audience in an OTT, patronising style. The other comes off as David Brent, with a stock collection of gags, props and songs that, instead of enhancing the message, positively detract from it. At least they're mildly entertaining: but if that was the point, it would be better to listen to a stand-up comic.

The worst speaker I ever saw gave a presentation more akin to a dodgy end-of-the-pier show, with bad jokes and audience participation thrown in for grisly measure. The speaker didn't so much advise on how to run a good business rather than yell obvious platitudes in the most patronising manner possible. The generalisations came thick and fast. "Be the best!!" "Don't settle for second best!!" "Get out there and promote your business!!" It was hardly inspiring.

What's worse, to round things off, the speaker inexplicably started to boom "Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life" in a voice that sounded like a tone-deaf donkey dragging a cartload of beer kegs up a steep hill on a hot summer's day. I quietly scurried for the door, feeling motivated only to leave this fool behind.

And there's the rub. You won't motivate anyone with a window dressing of bad jokes and songs which are all just a smokescreen for a load of hot air. However, if the speaker keeps the talk simple, informative and to the point, the message gets through every time. Is it too much to ask?